Wanna know what brought me back here?, it's that thing called "passion", and this sense of belonging I have deep inside .. for writing in general, In fact back in elementary school when they told us to bring a "writing" copybook I thought it's useless, not the copybook - I didn't care actually- but writing itself like, who am I to actually Write I'm not Najeeb Mahfouz or something, but by time i realised that weirdos can also writ, I discovered a whole new side of me, I think discovering new sides of ourselves is one of god's ways to show us that there's still hope, I mean at some points people start to feel weak and unsatisfied with who they truly are and then you discover a new thing in your character not especially a talent maybe a new skill or even a new positive though, which gives you the slightest hope it's like god is telling you "Hey, I know you better than you know yourself, I'm much closer to you than you are to yourself" :D
God also got ways to make us feel loved, secure, beautiful, safe, happy and much more that words can not cover, and all those hardships that you've been through are just the way to the relief , believe that the dark is always the way to light, mousa Aleh Al salaam went to look for a source of light for his wife and got back to her as a prophet.
But demons inside me always piss me off ,make me feel incomplete, and somehow bad, and that's because of the things I feel about people which are meaningless, I mean I judge people sometimes by their looks, I do hate some people for no proper reason, and sometimes I feel like "this person understands me like no one else" but situations prove me wrong afterwards and I don't know if these "situations" only in my mind or they are real like I'm not sure if I'm making silly excuses all the time or it's just true ! and with all those shitty demons I'm still surrounded by a real good company like god is always there for me every time, he never let go of me, which makes me feel even worse about myself
but lately I realised something, I can't treat god the way I treat people, like if I'm ashamed of my sins I feel ashamed even to talk to him, but it's just not the way things go with god cause he understands us really well like no other human being, he knows how pure we are deep inside even tho we feel bad about ourselves, because he is a good listener, when I pray for something and he give it to me right away or even after a while I feel the greatness of Allah, and i realise how tiny I am in this world, thanking him is always not enough
the bottom line is that people feel awful about themselves, their boddies, their friends and family, unsatisfied with their lives,always feel incomplete and hollow, sometimes ungrateful but they also know how to love , care, and sacrifice, people are simply the perfect mix between good and bad but they are basically good so it's never too late to recall your good soul no matter how dark you became from inside !
