The Idea of Death ..

https://soundcloud.com/zeina-coutry/aiij0c4z04jj
Try to play this track while reading ..
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It's been 4 years and 4 months from now .. 25th of Jan. 2010, 2:00 AM she was gone I'm talking about the unnoticeable light in my tiny life , I'm taking about the most beautiful and caring woman I've ever seen .. Grandma I didn't have enough , I wanted more I know you've had enough of lifebut i didn't realize that you mean that much to me before, but It's different now ..I was a little girl 4 years ago.. but I'm old enough now can't you see !

   she’s my grandmother god bless her soul .. I didn’t accept it i mean THE IDEA OF DEATH i blamed my mother for letting her go just like that  .. !! for accepting the whole thing i didn’t feel it , i didn’t spill a tear for like 2 years over her cause  i thought that if i did it means that i’m accepting her death it feels like when you are in the middle of nowhere ..i wanted to kill all the grandmothers in the world just to feel that everything is normal ..:P *IMAGINE*

   cause now simply and suddenly I realized that everything isn't the same after her like when you feel there is lack of blessings after her death, but why now ?! I mean I should'v  got this feeling back then not now ! now I feel like there's plenty of topics we can discuss, it just hurts badly I can notice my mother crying sometimes .. seriously how come she's moving on after the death of her mother.. how could she be so strong !! cause if it was me god knows if I'll survive

 So here's why i'm saying all of this  because if your grandmother still alive go and cover her with kisses , go through nonsense topics with her, dance in front of her and if she asked you what are you doing tell her "shut up grandma, I just love you so freaking much"  cause trust me it hurts
the idea of death hurts ...!!     

My Best friend till the very end ..

What up beautiful people? SONGS RECOMMENDED WHILE READING THIS "Oath - cher lloyd " ENJOY

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        LIFE what a big thing full of choices! your friends are one of those choices but if you really though about it you'll find that you don't actually think of what you are doing when you are getting to know anybody, I mean you don't think that you'r making a huge decision right know, and you don't know the consequences of what you are doing. but i'll tell you what WHO CARES? you are allowed to take the wrong choice , to get deceived by dudes you used to call them your best friends , to fall and get back on your feet cause simply you are form the human race. 
      I think if we have a room full of 10 people for example you will see that one guy who knows all the people in the room but still have this one friend the one who knows every thing about him .and you will notice the other guy who don't know anyone in the room but his best friend,and you'll know that  he'd be lost in this tiny room without his best friend you will also see the third guy who knows every one in the room very well and everyone have a piece of his heart , he is everyone in the room's best friend and everyone is his best friend but the thing is don't go out of your comfort zone, your best friend is the one who won't judge you anyway or let me say the one who you won't be lazy to tell him everything ;)     
  And let me get this clear friendships ain't about the time it all depends on the person himself, for example if you know a guy from 3 years and another one from 3 months and you felt like you knew this guy from a long time ago you can't say even when you spend more time with the second one ,that you love the first one more just because you knew him first NO just NOOO , the time is a factor but the friendship doesn't depend on it, right? 
   "Do you love me more or your mum more" I asked my mother, she said that "that's love and that's a different kind of love" well, that made " my whole life is lie :O" moment cause i though that there's only one kind of love which is LOVE you know ? i mentioned that to tell you don't compare your love to your best friend to the love of your siblings for example because it's a different kind of love