يا إله كُل الاشِياء الجَمِيلة.. صَبَاحُ الخَيّر
ٍاكْتُب إليكَ ربِى و كُلي يَقِين أنَّك لستُ بِحَاجة إلى جواب لِتَسمعُنى، لأشعُر بكَ، أو لأستَمتعُ بكلِ ما هو جَميل من خِلالك.
و لكن يا الله ماذا انا بِدون قلماً وورقةً و بدون صِلتى بك و صَلاتى إليك.؟!
اكتُب إليك ربي، و قد يأسَت رُوحى من كل شئ عَدا رُوحك
و خَاب ظني بِكلُ شئ و ظني بِك لايزال حياً.
هِب لي من لدُنك قوة، هِب لي من لدُنك رَحمة، هِب لي من لدُنك محبة.
يا إله كُل جَمِيل.. يا إله كُل شئ
Sunday, June 4, 2017
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Me before you.
Two articles in the same month, there must be something right?. Actually I have no Idea if this gonna be a long or a mini article or if it going to be just a though, and because I'm kind sure that only me and a few people who I actually love, read this so I usually feel more confident and comfortable to write whatever crosses my mind. So to make this straightforward let us start :).
Only a few minutes ago did I shed my last tear after watching the fantastic piece of art or that's what they call it, aka "Me Before You". Apart from how amazing Will and Lou were together, how special the thing between them was, how handsome Sam was or how amazed I was by Mathews performance cause I've never actually watched him out of the series of Harry Potter.I'm not also going to talk about why I cried in this movie because duh :P who didn't? And because I;m actually Verhyyyy emotional so I get touched so easy by those kind of movies. But I thought about what can make a disabled man give himself a six months time to literally end his life not caring about his family, friends or so. That may be so dumb of me to ask but I've never been even to a dentist before so I'm pretty sure I don't know how it felt to be handicapped or how would the situation be if my medical state was kind of fucked up I also know nothing about how desperate or depressed a human being can ever be.
But I think I can guess the reasons for his desire in ending his life just like that. Well, first of all he didn't see anything coming he had been like this for 2 years not getting any better he's even getting worse, he had absolutely nothing to be happy for, not even a joke to cheer him up, he couldn't help but thinking about how wild he was before the accident how attractive he was and how "Happy" he was even if he was a playboy or you don't see that his life before the accident was something to be happy about but you can't deny that he was happier than ever.And then Louisa came and basically changed his life she took him out more often to concerts, horse races.. Etc.. He started to smile again to laugh now and then and feel basically good when she's around and stuff, she loved him like real love and I bit he did too... But that wasn't enough for him to just take a step back and think of how amazing their life would be together and how happy he would be if only he gave himself the chance, that didn't stop him from only looking at the dark side of the story he didn't think of his illness as a challenge for him to keep fighting or a test that he had to pass he only thought like there's nothing worth the fight, that didn't stop him from getting his plan in action.
We can't blame him, because we are not in his shoe, but u know when you feel like " MAN ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND, SHE LOVES YOU, YOU CAN'T BE THAT Selfish".... I guess its okay for us to feel so sometimes even if we sometimes make it hard for the people we love and we put so much on their shoulders and we;re basically getting our noses stuck in someone Else's business but we do that out of love and appreciation for the people we truly care for.
So here's to sum up things in 3 points first: Have faith! No matter how hard it is to keep fighting while life basically keeps getting in the way every time you try to be better, people around you do care even if they are not so good at showing it, but trust me they do.
Second: don't push people away its simply the worst thing man can ever do, people become so annoying at some points and yeah sometimes you feel like you want to be alone but don't push them so far keep them around they do help.
Third: don't put so much pressure on the people you love, sometime you just have to be a reason for their relief not pressure.
May god keep our beloved ones always around, and grant us the faith we deserve to keep fighting for them and for ourselves.
Much love♥
Only a few minutes ago did I shed my last tear after watching the fantastic piece of art or that's what they call it, aka "Me Before You". Apart from how amazing Will and Lou were together, how special the thing between them was, how handsome Sam was or how amazed I was by Mathews performance cause I've never actually watched him out of the series of Harry Potter.I'm not also going to talk about why I cried in this movie because duh :P who didn't? And because I;m actually Verhyyyy emotional so I get touched so easy by those kind of movies. But I thought about what can make a disabled man give himself a six months time to literally end his life not caring about his family, friends or so. That may be so dumb of me to ask but I've never been even to a dentist before so I'm pretty sure I don't know how it felt to be handicapped or how would the situation be if my medical state was kind of fucked up I also know nothing about how desperate or depressed a human being can ever be.
But I think I can guess the reasons for his desire in ending his life just like that. Well, first of all he didn't see anything coming he had been like this for 2 years not getting any better he's even getting worse, he had absolutely nothing to be happy for, not even a joke to cheer him up, he couldn't help but thinking about how wild he was before the accident how attractive he was and how "Happy" he was even if he was a playboy or you don't see that his life before the accident was something to be happy about but you can't deny that he was happier than ever.And then Louisa came and basically changed his life she took him out more often to concerts, horse races.. Etc.. He started to smile again to laugh now and then and feel basically good when she's around and stuff, she loved him like real love and I bit he did too... But that wasn't enough for him to just take a step back and think of how amazing their life would be together and how happy he would be if only he gave himself the chance, that didn't stop him from only looking at the dark side of the story he didn't think of his illness as a challenge for him to keep fighting or a test that he had to pass he only thought like there's nothing worth the fight, that didn't stop him from getting his plan in action.
We can't blame him, because we are not in his shoe, but u know when you feel like " MAN ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND, SHE LOVES YOU, YOU CAN'T BE THAT Selfish".... I guess its okay for us to feel so sometimes even if we sometimes make it hard for the people we love and we put so much on their shoulders and we;re basically getting our noses stuck in someone Else's business but we do that out of love and appreciation for the people we truly care for.
So here's to sum up things in 3 points first: Have faith! No matter how hard it is to keep fighting while life basically keeps getting in the way every time you try to be better, people around you do care even if they are not so good at showing it, but trust me they do.
Second: don't push people away its simply the worst thing man can ever do, people become so annoying at some points and yeah sometimes you feel like you want to be alone but don't push them so far keep them around they do help.
Third: don't put so much pressure on the people you love, sometime you just have to be a reason for their relief not pressure.
May god keep our beloved ones always around, and grant us the faith we deserve to keep fighting for them and for ourselves.
Much love♥
Saturday, September 10, 2016
Dear One
I love the way you church friendships, you actually listen to your inner voice all the time, the one that keeps on telling you that you and this person will make such a great friends, and you gracefully go with it, so nice and easy.
you're always the generous side of the relationship you always give uncontrollably, and always think of new,nontraditional, outstanding ways to express how your friend means to you and how much you do really love him/her.
someone once told me that people seek different roads to express appreciation to their loved ones, some just say 'I love you' when they really feel like saying it, some take good care of the tiny details, but you always go with presenting gifts. Your mind is always so crowded with ideas of nice, meaningful gifts to give to your loved ones not necessarily on their birthdays, anytime of the year would be prefect and special... "Special" here's the word, you always seek ways to show your loved ones how special they are to you. When you tell them "you guys mean the world" you actually mean it, I mean if you don't you wouldn't be that miserable, dear one.
I'm sorry that you have to go through this, you always blame yourself that they don't talk anymore, that they don't even seem to care anymore, that they forgot about your exerted efforts and the excitement that fills your chest everytime before giving them the "Special" gift of yours or before wishing them "happy holidays" in your unexpected ways.
Excuse my language. But you're such an idiot, dear friend. Have you ever though about yourself as much as you think about making them happy? Like do they even care as half as you do?, do they even find your gifts special?, have you ever felt special?. Well, I guess not.
Don't mean to be harsh on you but look at yourself, you are literally "stalking" you're bestfriend's accounts on the social media, you over think every conversation you guys had and try to figure out what went wrong, while, it was never your fault, you're making up silly excuses for her to totally forget about your entire existence while she's getting sexy for marasi.
dear fellow, maybe you were mistaken she wasn't your best friend form the beginning, best friends care, text, call, they are usually eager to know if you are doing alright. You just followed your inner voice so blindly, I mean you can't call any nice person a best friend, for god's sake.
here's the deal, mate. Take a step back and breathe!! Then take the decision to let go. You don't deserve to overthink your mind out every night about things that your poor brain can't even understand anymore , you don't deserve to be exhausted, you deserve to feel special too!
Sunday, August 2, 2015
A Letter to my grandmother
Dear granny
Hi it's me again, how are you and how things are going up there?
it's almost 6 years now grandma and I just can't get you out of my head every night before sleeping I think about you and every morning you are the first thing that pop into my head -unless i have a lesson-
I'm okay now, well I'm not expecting you to come back or anything like before so I guess I'm accepting the fact that you are gone forever. Things are going fast you know, i mean you left me when i was 12 and now I'm almost 18,and I'm at my senior year in high school as well. I wish you were here to see me growing up and witness all of those ups and downs. If you were here I wouldn't stop talking to you I swear, I would tell you about my first days in this new school and how is it felt to be the new kiddo, I'd tell about those bitches who tried to get me down but I took control of it don't worry, I'd also tell you about my crush, or should I say crushes :'D LOL, I would tell you about my new friends and about those who are trying to get advantages of me, I would make you beg me to stop talking grandma, I swear.
I have your photo as my lock screen, and I found your dress I wear it everyday to prayers and god,It still smells like you and I still have this tie you made for me in fifth grade
Hi it's me again, how are you and how things are going up there?
it's almost 6 years now grandma and I just can't get you out of my head every night before sleeping I think about you and every morning you are the first thing that pop into my head -unless i have a lesson-
I'm okay now, well I'm not expecting you to come back or anything like before so I guess I'm accepting the fact that you are gone forever. Things are going fast you know, i mean you left me when i was 12 and now I'm almost 18,and I'm at my senior year in high school as well. I wish you were here to see me growing up and witness all of those ups and downs. If you were here I wouldn't stop talking to you I swear, I would tell you about my first days in this new school and how is it felt to be the new kiddo, I'd tell about those bitches who tried to get me down but I took control of it don't worry, I'd also tell you about my crush, or should I say crushes :'D LOL, I would tell you about my new friends and about those who are trying to get advantages of me, I would make you beg me to stop talking grandma, I swear.
I have your photo as my lock screen, and I found your dress I wear it everyday to prayers and god,It still smells like you and I still have this tie you made for me in fifth grade
but unfortunately I don't have those little dresses you made for me and Renad when were about five,you were so talented. I remember when you helped us make a little dress for our doll when we had a sleep over at your place once, that was cool tho. I guess one can never hold on to every memory it's just how things go down there on earth we hold on to things we think they mean life to us and when they go away, life keeps going on as simple as it may sounds.
you know what is making me so angry, that ever since you left life didn't stop,I thought that when we lose our beloved ones things will at least suck forever, but nothing of this occurred actually. It went like usual just a couple of consecutive ups and downs every now and then, and despite all of that I'm still young, too young to get the whole situation
anyway granny stay safe till we can see eachother once again in your place, you will always be in my prayers !
Sunday, June 7, 2015
Gifted you are
Wanna know what brought me back here?, it's that thing called "passion", and this sense of belonging I have deep inside .. for writing in general, In fact back in elementary school when they told us to bring a "writing" copybook I thought it's useless, not the copybook - I didn't care actually- but writing itself like, who am I to actually Write I'm not Najeeb Mahfouz or something, but by time i realised that weirdos can also writ, I discovered a whole new side of me, I think discovering new sides of ourselves is one of god's ways to show us that there's still hope, I mean at some points people start to feel weak and unsatisfied with who they truly are and then you discover a new thing in your character not especially a talent maybe a new skill or even a new positive though, which gives you the slightest hope it's like god is telling you "Hey, I know you better than you know yourself, I'm much closer to you than you are to yourself" :D
God also got ways to make us feel loved, secure, beautiful, safe, happy and much more that words can not cover, and all those hardships that you've been through are just the way to the relief , believe that the dark is always the way to light, mousa Aleh Al salaam went to look for a source of light for his wife and got back to her as a prophet.
But demons inside me always piss me off ,make me feel incomplete, and somehow bad, and that's because of the things I feel about people which are meaningless, I mean I judge people sometimes by their looks, I do hate some people for no proper reason, and sometimes I feel like "this person understands me like no one else" but situations prove me wrong afterwards and I don't know if these "situations" only in my mind or they are real like I'm not sure if I'm making silly excuses all the time or it's just true ! and with all those shitty demons I'm still surrounded by a real good company like god is always there for me every time, he never let go of me, which makes me feel even worse about myself
but lately I realised something, I can't treat god the way I treat people, like if I'm ashamed of my sins I feel ashamed even to talk to him, but it's just not the way things go with god cause he understands us really well like no other human being, he knows how pure we are deep inside even tho we feel bad about ourselves, because he is a good listener, when I pray for something and he give it to me right away or even after a while I feel the greatness of Allah, and i realise how tiny I am in this world, thanking him is always not enough
the bottom line is that people feel awful about themselves, their boddies, their friends and family, unsatisfied with their lives,always feel incomplete and hollow, sometimes ungrateful but they also know how to love , care, and sacrifice, people are simply the perfect mix between good and bad but they are basically good so it's never too late to recall your good soul no matter how dark you became from inside !
God also got ways to make us feel loved, secure, beautiful, safe, happy and much more that words can not cover, and all those hardships that you've been through are just the way to the relief , believe that the dark is always the way to light, mousa Aleh Al salaam went to look for a source of light for his wife and got back to her as a prophet.
But demons inside me always piss me off ,make me feel incomplete, and somehow bad, and that's because of the things I feel about people which are meaningless, I mean I judge people sometimes by their looks, I do hate some people for no proper reason, and sometimes I feel like "this person understands me like no one else" but situations prove me wrong afterwards and I don't know if these "situations" only in my mind or they are real like I'm not sure if I'm making silly excuses all the time or it's just true ! and with all those shitty demons I'm still surrounded by a real good company like god is always there for me every time, he never let go of me, which makes me feel even worse about myself
but lately I realised something, I can't treat god the way I treat people, like if I'm ashamed of my sins I feel ashamed even to talk to him, but it's just not the way things go with god cause he understands us really well like no other human being, he knows how pure we are deep inside even tho we feel bad about ourselves, because he is a good listener, when I pray for something and he give it to me right away or even after a while I feel the greatness of Allah, and i realise how tiny I am in this world, thanking him is always not enough
the bottom line is that people feel awful about themselves, their boddies, their friends and family, unsatisfied with their lives,always feel incomplete and hollow, sometimes ungrateful but they also know how to love , care, and sacrifice, people are simply the perfect mix between good and bad but they are basically good so it's never too late to recall your good soul no matter how dark you became from inside !
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Hey Mum
Hey Mum, when did we grow up, seriously when did all the past years just pass, when did I become 17, and why .. I remember my first day at the kindergarten, just like it was yesterday, and when I was about to enter middle school I was like " hey mama, a whole new stage is a head of me, what would like to say .. as an advise" you just laughed, I didn't get it back then but I guess you meant " you absolutely know nothing about new stages, kiddo" how on earth those who we used to call them B.F.Fs left and these who we never ever though of them as friends became life itself and I know this is temporary and won't last forever
why do we even have to make important decision now, I mean we're too young mummy !?
Only yesterday you taught me how to write "Apple", I still remember the song!, I wanted to grow up but I didn't want to be confused whether to choose maths over biology or biology over maths.. I never actually thought that making it to my dream college will seem to be that hard, and even if i made it I'm not sure if I'll be happy with it
things are getting really tough, mother.. why do I have to leave school now, I mean I just got in and why do I have to give up things for other things now !!
I just need time,
why do we even have to make important decision now, I mean we're too young mummy !?
Only yesterday you taught me how to write "Apple", I still remember the song!, I wanted to grow up but I didn't want to be confused whether to choose maths over biology or biology over maths.. I never actually thought that making it to my dream college will seem to be that hard, and even if i made it I'm not sure if I'll be happy with it
things are getting really tough, mother.. why do I have to leave school now, I mean I just got in and why do I have to give up things for other things now !!
I just need time,
Saturday, January 17, 2015
HOME.
I'm 2 days away from my algebra exam and despite the fact that i know that my maths skills are terrible, I'm inspired.
I've just realized lately that absolutely nothing like home, but wait.. what is the correct definition of HOME anyway, like where's your home or what do you exactly feel when you're home . . I always feel pity for people with multi nationalities I feel like they don't belong to a certian place but then I realized that I should feel pity for myself for being such an idiot. I have this half Egyption/half Syrian friend who lived all her life in Dubai, whenever she starts talking in her cute Syrian accent people ask "are you Syrian and blah.. blah" and then she's like " Nope I'm half Egyptian/half Syrian" regardless the pride in her voice and if she likes her 2 countries or not but she always speaks about her beautiful Syria in the winter, how magnificent the streets were before the war, and how they used to play, eat, talk,think !! and even though she lived all her life in Dubai and only one year there and that her father is originally Egyptian and according to papers and passports and whatsoever she's officially Egyptian but she just belongs to Syria . ♥
I believe that the word "home" defines your comfort zone, maybe you feel home when you listen to that song or when you read that book on repeat. friends are home those bunch of stupid kiddos that you can't love them enough or imagine your life without their existence, family is defiantly home I mean they are the ones who accept and stand you with all your complex lifestyle and your fiddling needs they do love you endlessly they are just not good at showing it. maybe your home is yourself like your mind and your thoughts define home for you, your home is your soulmate, your partener in this life. Your home doesn't have to be a place maybe it's someone, maybe it's something.
Home is where you heart always belong.
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