The Idea of Death ..

https://soundcloud.com/zeina-coutry/aiij0c4z04jj
Try to play this track while reading ..
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It's been 4 years and 4 months from now .. 25th of Jan. 2010, 2:00 AM she was gone I'm talking about the unnoticeable light in my tiny life , I'm taking about the most beautiful and caring woman I've ever seen .. Grandma I didn't have enough , I wanted more I know you've had enough of lifebut i didn't realize that you mean that much to me before, but It's different now ..I was a little girl 4 years ago.. but I'm old enough now can't you see !

   she’s my grandmother god bless her soul .. I didn’t accept it i mean THE IDEA OF DEATH i blamed my mother for letting her go just like that  .. !! for accepting the whole thing i didn’t feel it , i didn’t spill a tear for like 2 years over her cause  i thought that if i did it means that i’m accepting her death it feels like when you are in the middle of nowhere ..i wanted to kill all the grandmothers in the world just to feel that everything is normal ..:P *IMAGINE*

   cause now simply and suddenly I realized that everything isn't the same after her like when you feel there is lack of blessings after her death, but why now ?! I mean I should'v  got this feeling back then not now ! now I feel like there's plenty of topics we can discuss, it just hurts badly I can notice my mother crying sometimes .. seriously how come she's moving on after the death of her mother.. how could she be so strong !! cause if it was me god knows if I'll survive

 So here's why i'm saying all of this  because if your grandmother still alive go and cover her with kisses , go through nonsense topics with her, dance in front of her and if she asked you what are you doing tell her "shut up grandma, I just love you so freaking much"  cause trust me it hurts
the idea of death hurts ...!!     

My Best friend till the very end ..

What up beautiful people? SONGS RECOMMENDED WHILE READING THIS "Oath - cher lloyd " ENJOY

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        LIFE what a big thing full of choices! your friends are one of those choices but if you really though about it you'll find that you don't actually think of what you are doing when you are getting to know anybody, I mean you don't think that you'r making a huge decision right know, and you don't know the consequences of what you are doing. but i'll tell you what WHO CARES? you are allowed to take the wrong choice , to get deceived by dudes you used to call them your best friends , to fall and get back on your feet cause simply you are form the human race. 
      I think if we have a room full of 10 people for example you will see that one guy who knows all the people in the room but still have this one friend the one who knows every thing about him .and you will notice the other guy who don't know anyone in the room but his best friend,and you'll know that  he'd be lost in this tiny room without his best friend you will also see the third guy who knows every one in the room very well and everyone have a piece of his heart , he is everyone in the room's best friend and everyone is his best friend but the thing is don't go out of your comfort zone, your best friend is the one who won't judge you anyway or let me say the one who you won't be lazy to tell him everything ;)     
  And let me get this clear friendships ain't about the time it all depends on the person himself, for example if you know a guy from 3 years and another one from 3 months and you felt like you knew this guy from a long time ago you can't say even when you spend more time with the second one ,that you love the first one more just because you knew him first NO just NOOO , the time is a factor but the friendship doesn't depend on it, right? 
   "Do you love me more or your mum more" I asked my mother, she said that "that's love and that's a different kind of love" well, that made " my whole life is lie :O" moment cause i though that there's only one kind of love which is LOVE you know ? i mentioned that to tell you don't compare your love to your best friend to the love of your siblings for example because it's a different kind of love

Now .. Focus !!

"SONG RECOMMENDED WHILE READING THIS " Wake me up - AVICII "

I used to say “teenagers should enjoy there lives,who cares for the future” but i realized that I DO CARE FOR THE FUTURE !!!! :O

         wait i have to,haven’t I !!! of course yes if i didn’t care for MY future who will for god’s sake ?!
i used to say that, because it was terrifying i mean the idea of the change itself like when you know that your whole life is going to change and your not even sure if it will be good or bad  when you ask your self ” Is it going to be worth living?”

        So i decided to plan for the future but from a 16 years old girl’s point of view on some conditions first of all it has to be  realistic (so don’t plan for marrying george clooney or something)
second it has to be creative,useful and somehow unique cause simply life is a group of paper try to write your name in the last page !! so you’ll be effective ..

     The question ”  MY LIFE, IS IT GOING TO BE WORTH LIVING?” has to be answered  from your point of view think more about what you want what “YOU” really truly want !!!be sure no body is not unique think about the adults how they feel about their lives !! (weird but exciting) 
so, Now “FOCUS HARRY” -snape :P search in the “deep you” and i’m sure you will find that one thing , YOUR THING ,the thing that will play an important role in your plan !!!!  but don’t forget that you  are a teenager ;)

Little Me

SONG RECOMMENCED WHILE READING THIS " Little Me - Little mix "

Well I dreamed for years to be older not like a teenager No, like an adult a MADEMOISELLE or something like that, that when I was like 10 or 12 years old I wanted people to take me seriously
  like there's a creature's talking not only a kid :P I wanted to say my thoughts out loud  and don't be afraid of being a child  

so I hated the fact of me I wished to be older and I said that to the adults and they were like "oh common you don't,
you will hate being adult", how that made me feel? it made me afraid..a little of the idea itself and Excited like never before
the much that made me kill my fear wishing even harder to grow up


And now as a Teenager I don't want to be a child again like the most of guys and girls at my age, well to be a teenager wasn't Little Rana's dream but def. as a teenager the situation changed I mean now people are taking me seriously and everything, so I have no right to wish to be older, right? and that's what happened you can notice me making fun of those teenagers who always act like there are 25 years old or sth,and you can always hear me quoting Avicii's song "Wish that I could stay forever this young not afraid to close my eyes" so this is obvious  that I gave up my wish and I don't want to get any older but that's not because of people ,not because now they are taking me seriously, when those adults said to me when I was kid
you will hate getting older I asked myself why would I, I was sure they were not talking about being a kid cause it's good to be a kid but not enough
I mean as kid your life is eating , playing ,be angry of nothing and that's it but now I'm sure they were talking about being a teenager.

Ladies and gentlemen "نحن فى ازهى عصورنا" the difference is we know that we are enjoying our age despite all the ups and downs as  teenagers
 when we was kiddos we were just playing we didn't realize we were enjoying now we have no responsibility except for planning for our future
 we are responsible for that but I mean we have nothing to worry about except ourselves and the smart dude will plan well so he don't have to worry ;)


 seeing all of these adults wishing they were as young as I am makes me proud of my "16 years" and makes me arrogant as well but a lot of teenagers
 don't get that they think being a teenager is all about suffering and have problems and face Blisters :P
but NO everything have dark and bright side you can mange that you can look at the bright side you won't be able to mange that all the time -Yes, but try

well that didn't make me lose the desire to be an adult but as I said the situation changed now I'm Excited to be an adult and know how they feel about this different life  I want to be an adult to see my dreams really happening I  want to be older to go to the collage, marry and have a family (What..?? I'm a GIRL)
but I'm happy cause I'm still a teenager anyway :D