A Letter to my grandmother

   Dear granny
 Hi it's me again, how are you and how things are going up there?
it's almost 6 years now grandma and I just can't get you out of my head every night before sleeping I think about you and every morning you are the first thing that pop into my head -unless i have a lesson-
I'm okay now, well I'm not expecting you to come back or anything like before so I guess I'm accepting the fact that you are gone forever. Things are going fast you know, i mean you left me when i was 12 and now I'm almost 18,and I'm at my senior year in high school as well. I wish you were here to see me growing up and witness all of those ups and downs. If you were here I wouldn't stop talking to you I swear, I would tell you about my first days in this new school and how is it felt to be the new kiddo, I'd tell about those bitches who tried to get me down but I took control of it don't worry, I'd also tell you about my crush, or should I say crushes :'D LOL, I would tell you about my new friends and about those who are trying to get advantages of me, I would make you beg me to stop talking grandma, I swear.


   I have your photo as my lock screen, and I found your dress I wear it everyday to prayers and god,It still smells like you and I still have this tie you made for me in fifth grade

 

but unfortunately I don't have those little dresses you made for me and Renad when were about five,you were so talented. I remember when you helped us make a little dress for our doll when we had a sleep over at your place once, that was cool tho.  I guess one can never hold on to every memory it's just how  things go down there on earth we hold on to things we think they mean life to us and when they go away, life keeps going on as simple as it may sounds.

you know what is making me so angry, that ever since you left life didn't stop,I thought that when we lose our beloved ones things will at least suck forever, but nothing of this occurred actually. It went like usual just a couple of consecutive ups and downs every now and then, and despite all of that I'm still young, too young to get the whole situation 

anyway granny stay safe till we can see eachother once again in your place, you will always be in my prayers !

Gifted you are

   Wanna know what brought me back here?, it's that thing called "passion", and this sense of belonging I have deep inside .. for writing in general,  In fact back in elementary school when they told us to bring a "writing" copybook I thought it's useless, not the copybook - I didn't care actually- but writing itself like, who am I to actually Write I'm not Najeeb Mahfouz or something, but by time i realised that weirdos can also writ, I discovered a whole new side of me, I think discovering new sides of ourselves is one of god's ways to show us that there's still hope, I mean  at some points people start to feel weak and unsatisfied with who they truly are and then you discover a new thing in your character not especially a talent maybe a new skill or even a new positive though, which gives you the slightest hope it's like god is telling you "Hey, I know you better than you know yourself, I'm much closer to you than you are to yourself"  :D
 God also got ways to make us feel loved, secure, beautiful, safe, happy and much more that words can not cover, and all those hardships that you've been through are just the way to the relief , believe that the dark is always the way to light, mousa Aleh Al salaam went to look for a source of light for his wife and got back to her as a prophet.

  But demons inside me always piss me off ,make me feel incomplete, and somehow bad, and that's because of the things I feel about people which are meaningless, I mean I judge people sometimes by their looks, I do hate some people for no proper reason, and sometimes I feel like "this person understands me like no one else" but situations prove me wrong afterwards and I don't know if these "situations" only in my mind or they are real like I'm not sure if I'm making silly excuses all the time or it's just true ! and with all those shitty demons I'm still surrounded by a real good company like god is always there for me every time, he never let go of me, which makes me feel even worse about myself

but lately I realised something, I can't treat god the way I treat people, like if I'm ashamed of my sins I feel ashamed even to talk to him, but it's just not the way things go with god cause he understands us really well like no other human being, he knows how pure we are deep inside even tho we feel bad about ourselves, because he is a good listener, when I pray for something and he give it to me right away or even after a while I feel the greatness of Allah, and i realise how tiny I am in this world, thanking him is always not enough

  the bottom line is that people feel awful about themselves, their boddies, their friends and family, unsatisfied with their lives,always feel incomplete and hollow, sometimes ungrateful but they also know how to love , care, and sacrifice, people are simply the perfect mix between good and bad but they are basically good so it's never too late to recall your good soul no matter how dark you became from inside !
 

Hey Mum

  Hey Mum, when did we grow up, seriously when did all the past years just pass, when did I become 17, and why .. I remember my first day at the kindergarten, just like it was yesterday, and when I was about to enter middle school I was like " hey mama, a whole new stage is a head of me, what would like to say .. as an advise" you just laughed, I didn't get it back then  but I guess you meant " you absolutely know nothing about new stages, kiddo" how on earth those who we used to call them B.F.Fs left and these who we never ever though of them as friends became life itself and I know this is temporary and won't last forever
why do we even have to make important decision now, I mean we're too young mummy !?

  Only yesterday you taught me how to write "Apple", I still remember the song!,  I wanted to grow up but I didn't want to be confused whether to choose maths over biology or biology over maths.. I never actually thought that making it to my dream college will seem to be that hard, and even if i made it I'm not sure if I'll be happy with it
things are getting really tough, mother.. why do I have to leave school now, I mean I just got in and why do I have to give up things for other things  now  !!
I just need time,

HOME.

     I'm 2 days away from my algebra exam and despite the fact that i know that my maths skills are terrible, I'm inspired.

I've just realized lately that absolutely nothing like home, but wait.. what is the correct definition of HOME anyway, like where's your home or what do you exactly feel when you're home . . I always feel pity for people with multi nationalities I feel like they don't belong to a certian place but then I realized that I should feel pity for myself for being such an idiot. I have this half Egyption/half Syrian friend who lived all her life in Dubai, whenever she starts talking in her cute Syrian accent people ask "are you Syrian and blah.. blah" and then she's like " Nope I'm half  Egyptian/half Syrian" regardless the pride in her voice and if she likes her 2 countries or not but she always speaks about her beautiful Syria in the winter, how magnificent the streets were before the war, and how they used to play, eat, talk,think !! and even though she lived all her life in Dubai and only one year there and that her father is originally Egyptian and according to papers and passports and whatsoever  she's officially Egyptian but she just  belongs to Syria . ♥

   I believe that the word "home" defines your comfort zone,  maybe you feel home when you listen to that song or when you read that book on repeat. friends are home those bunch of stupid kiddos that you can't love them enough or imagine your life without their existence, family is defiantly home I mean they are the ones who accept and stand you with all your  complex lifestyle and your fiddling needs they do love you endlessly they are just not good at showing it. maybe your home is yourself like your mind and your thoughts define home for you, your home is your soulmate, your partener in this life. Your home doesn't have to be a place maybe it's someone, maybe it's something.

   Home is where you heart always belong.

TEDx

    It was 6:00 am I woke up and whispered "Ready?", I couldn't tell how it felt but I was more than excited and definitely ready, I prepared myself for a normal school day so *Normal usual stuff* and then .... It's 12:00 am! I hurried to get my ticket to attend one of the most inspiring events on the face of earth ..

  

It's 1:00 pm now and  I'm taking my first steps into the great hall, I was thinking that I'm the luckiest kid ever to attend such an event and it was known that TEDx is capable of changing lives so yeah perhaps I'm lucky this time, I took a seat -I liked the simple decor so much- and while i was checking the place out some sort of magic sneaked into my ears  JUST WOW the beginner notes of Nostalgia soundtrack.
the talks begin to flow and it was just as I imagined maybe even Better

  

   But at some point I was like" i want to do this , I want to inspire people, I want to leave my mark I mean that's what I've always wanted to do I just didn't know how" and I realized that your dream job/college/whatsoever it's not you're only dream which means it's unnecessary for your wannabes to be linked to a certain Education level or a job, well that's absolutely good to think about your future and make a goal for tomorrow but what I'm talking about is to actually THINK for just one minute is that all what you really wanted?, is that the one thing you can't wait for it to happen? , If so,Then what after?

  Only one week ago I was thinking in the same exact way, I planned everything in my mind. dream college, dream job and perhaps LIFE itself, but to be honest I wasn't excited about it at all, thinking of being old and hocked on some kind of routine freaked me out. I know to dream of a college doesn't mean you'll be hocked on routine and stuff, but if that was the only dream of yours then excuse me nothing will be exciting or unique about your life.

 Set more than a goal, what about a goal for each year, week maybe day and try achieving each, to be able to feel that awesome feeling of success,TEDx did change me a lot, maybe people around me can't feel that but at least Little Rana knows that very well and that's pretty enough . can't be more grateful for the existence of that day in my tiny life and being there was like a turning point can you even believe that one day is capable of changing way of thinking, capable of changing LIVES ?! As Cheesy as it sounds but yes and it happened before my Shining-with-happiness-Eyes
so yo project mangers,staff members and speakers if your target was to inspire people and basically change their lives, then you guys should be proud you did such an incredible job can't be better in any form of way

that spirit is priceless

They are living in laptop.

  I used to recommend you songs to hear while or after reading my article but this time my article is all about music,"They live in my laptop" that's what I exactly feel when I listen to specifc artists, maybe you'll think that's lame but I feel like they are that close to me, there's a new trend over Facebook people challenge you to write your top ten movies, books, songs .. etc 

and like any trend on the social media at the beginning people became crazy about it and then the same people started to make fun of the other people who were doing the same thing they did 2 days ago, does it even make any sense !!?

 But now allow me to take you in a classical journey and let me share with you guests living in my laptop :D

Lana Del Rey. 

since the article was inspired by her, she's going to be my number one guest, maybe there is no difference between Lana's lyrics and any other lyrics but definitely the quality of the music itself,and the deep classical way by which Lana Performs her songs is unique, she's got that  attitude bro ;)

Here's a bunch of Lana's songs :

-Once upon a dream

-Dark paradise

-Queen of Disaster

-Summertime sadness

-Backfire

-Body electric

-Born to die

-Break my fall

-Blue jeans

-West coast

Jasmine Thompson.

The beauty seen by the eye of the Beautiful, she's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard without exaggerating and she's only 13 years old. She only makes covers but she also have her own Original singles

I won't try to explain how truthful and beautiful her voice is cause you gotta listen yourself so I'll let you experience a whole new side of the songs you've already learnt

-chandelier (cover)

-Run       

-Let her go  (cover)

-Mad world   (cover)

-Ain't  nobody (cover)

-Almost lover (cover)

-All of me    (cover)

-Magic  (cover)

-Demons (cover)

-Thousand years (Cover)

Lorde.

I don't know lord that much, but I can tell she shows the strong side of a woman for a 17 years old girl that's great, even though Lorde  makes fun of nearly every celebrity on earth but she's got a deep voice deep enough to stay in my laptop

so for lil Ms lord I got a bunch of beautiful songs worth listening  

-Royals

-Team
-Ribs

-everybody wants to rule the world

- glory and gore

Adele.

The beautiful, strong lady of Britain,  Um Khalthom, from the things I love about Adele that she gives me a different Impression about her every time she sings, all of us know Adele but only a few of us feel to notice her. 

-Don't you remember

-Someone like you

-Sky fall

-Rolling in the deep

-Set the fair to the rain

-Turning tables

Ed Sheeran.

Finally  a man..the Red head wierdo, the British man.

What I love about Ed that he's so simple and he puts all of his emotions in the song to end it up to be so simple yet satisfying 

he's different in one way or another, it feels like he's talking to me while singing I love his music and lyrics besides I appreciate a singer who writes his own songs so enjoy the Ed sheeran spirit

-All of our stars

-Sing

-The A team

-Kiss me

-Give me love

-You need me I don't need

-Lego house

-Little bird

- Fall

 and it's not like I listen to nothing but those celebrities ,No I listen to them in the right time, it's because when I hear them singing it feels that they are in the same room singing to me like they are actually living in my laptop.

https://soundcloud.com/roniiez/sets/they-are-living-in-my-laptop
Here's a playlist with all the recomended songs to hear Enjoy ;)

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Edited by Renad A.Amin

Somebody that I used to know.

 It takes me a lot of time to come back here and begin to write again, it also takes a lot of thinking what to write and two seconds ago I didn't know what am I supposed to write about.But you know the moment when you feel like you don't even know yourself,when you are in the middle of nowhere,....LOST ?!
I can tell that if anyone read my blog he'd find a smiley life, butterflies and rainbows everywhere, always looking at the bright side, but today I'm here to tell you all that I am lost.


 And by lost I mean I can't find my dream, my one big dream that I'll suffer all my years up to it, all I know that I want to inspire people , I want to leave my mark but I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW!!! we all have those 2 characters in our lives, the one that urge you to have a one dream and nothing but that one to do it in the end, but then what ? what am I supposed to do after achieving my big fat dream ?? what if i did not make it ?? what if after all those years I realized that It's not the one ?? and the other character encourages you to have more than a dream in the future but what for NOW ??!


 You know what's really frustrating? -  waiting
most of us don't like to wait and don't like the late achievements, most of us want their dreams NOW want give and receive the reward immediately but nothing can go like that.When we hear a story of a guy who struggled and suffered a lot until he made his way to his dream, the common thought would be like "WOW" then you'll give yourself the space to think how on earth did that happen and then you'll say it's just a good luck nothing more, but the truth is if we really want to make our dreams come true we have to go through good and bad luck in every single minute in our lives AND that's how it goes.


 But I think I know the answer, If we all divided our lives into stages and put a certain goal for every stage everything will go just fine cause people change
and you have to know that you'll wait ... A LOT, cause life is all about Patience  we can do nothing without patience but the bright side is that Allah will reward us  for the only thing we hate "WAITING". Anyways it's all a big test,  we got  to do this so, sooner or later we will wait and goals also cannot be done without trust, we have to trust Allah and ourselves that we can do this insha'allah, also remember that you are the only one that can do it so do not listen to anyone saying otherwise cause we all know that we all can ;)

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Recommended songs after reading: Firework enjoy :D
..
edited by Renad A. Amin